Meat & YOU! (Furry Meat Source PSA) “Oh, Hello! I didn’t see you there!” The black feline with glasses shuts his book with the title “Big Booty Bitches” on it. “My name is Dr. Catden!...I’m legally not allowed to say “P.H.D” at the end of it anymore. You may remember me from my previous edutainment videos including “Radiation: It Glows On You!” and “Don’t Drink Soap Or Else!” He purred and flicked his tail. He wasn’t wearing his usual clothes, and instead, was wearing a red velvet robe and smoking a bubble pipe. “I’m here to tell YOU all about something near and dear to my heart. No, not my lungs. MEAT! Delicious, juicy, warm meat!” He held up a T-bone steak using a fork and licked his lips. “Now, the question I’m asking you is, WHERE does meat come from? Huh? You might be asking me. The Supermarket, Of course! You would reply. You’d be right AND very wrong at the same time. Just like having an argument with a woman.” He folds his leg and stares at the camera. “What I’m asking you is…WHERE does it come from before you buy it at the local grocery store, fast food restaurant, or sketchy online website that requires your credit card information?” Question marks appeared all around his head as he began to scratch his cheek and quizzically think. “Quite the stumper, eh? Well, WONDER NO MORE! I’m here to provide you information on WHERE your food comes from! Thank me later. Let’s begin this adventure into the world of food production by listing off types of meat, shall we? -[BEEF] “Ah, Yes. The Grade A Classic. Red Meat. Beef. It’s what’s for dinner! Anyone who doesn’t like beef is either a communist or wrong. Those aren’t mutually exclusive traits!” He purred and pointed with his claw to a drawing of a morbidly obese moo-cow with large udders on a chalkboard. “Beef, of course, comes from cows. WHERE’S THE BEEF?! Ah-Ha. I love that commercial. There is also veal..” He pointed to a slightly-younger, less flabby, smaller cow drawing next to it. “Not sure why anyone would want THAT though. People’ll eat anything, I guess.” -[PORK] “One of my favorites. Pork Chops, Bacon, Ham. The Works!” He pointed to a drawing of a morbidly obese pig with multiple tits, a flabby face, and a swollen double-belly. “It’s not very healthy…but who gives a shit about health? You’ll die breathing in poison from the air around you. Enjoy a fuckin’ slice of honey ham every now and again. Pig is a very interesting animal since they sell EVERY part of it from the hooves to the snout for consumption. Gross. Who looks at a nose and thinks “Mhm-hmm…Yummy Yummy in my tummy!” -[POULTRY] “A fancy city-slicker word for Chicken. Avians have ALWAYS been delicious with a side of gravy…and I’m not just saying that because I’m a cat!” He pointed to a drawing of a large chicken avian with massive “white-meat” breasts on display, perky nipples, and a bloated gut. She was laying an egg in the chalk drawing from her tailhole. “Chicken is great fried, grilled, and nuggeted! Why is chicken the only food you can nugget? Because it’s golden and delicious, Duh! Everybody do the funky chicken.” -[SEAFOOD] “My wife is on the seafood diet…she SEES food and she EATS it.” Brie, a dorky mouse scientist, begins to play the drums and make a ~BA DUM TSST~ rimshot with it. “That joke never gets old. OKAY! Seafood, obviously, is my favorite. I’m nothing if not stereotypical for a feline.” He pointed to a few crude chalk drawings of anthro clown fish, swordfish, Orca Whales, Shark Girls with bouncy breasts, lobsters, and an octopus. There was also a crude drawing of Spongebob and Patrick thrown in. “Pro Tip: Jellyfish DOES NOT taste like Jelly. I had to have the lifeguard piss in my mouth after I tried to eat one…moving on.” -[VENISON] “What’s venison, you might ask, since you’re probably not a fuckin’ hillbilly.” He pointed to a drawing of a male deer with exposed nipples, large antlers, and a tubby rear next to a cute and doughy doe girl. “Oh dear, It’s deer! What does it taste like? It makes beef look like dogshit. You ever seen that Simpsons episode where the female doctor billboard says “Don’t Eat Beef.” and then changes into “Eat Deer!” Yeah, it wasn’t a joke, venison is DELICIOUS. Trust me. If you haven’t had it you’re missing out!” -[LAMB] “I don’t know the official name for this type of meat so I’m just calling it Lamb meat.” He pointed to a picture of Evelyn Ewe on the chalkboard. “You can eat it on gyros, kebabs, and lamb chops! It…I’m going to be honest with you, Chief. This one tastes bland and disgusting. It’s the most overhyped food ever.” He stuck his tongue out and shook his head. -[OTHER] “You can eat any kind of meat pretty much.” The chalkboard had a duck, goat, dragon, a bumble bee, an owl, a dodo bird, a human, a gray alien, and Rainbow Dash. “Someone’ll sell it to you. You may have to go to Chinatown to get most of it though. Why, even cats are edible! … What? Don’t give me that look. Have you ever had feline meat? Tastes great with duck sauce.” He licked his lips and chuckled. “That about covers the TYPES of meat…now let’s talk about what you came here for!” [WHERE DOES MEAT COME FROM?] “There are many trains of thought when it comes to Anthro Universes and where the meat comes from. I’m going to list as many as I can think of AND provide a brief description of how it works. Okay? M’kay. LET’S BEGIN! Yes, This will be on the test. Take notes.” -[FERALS CO-EXIST WITH ANTHROS] “The classic and textbook answer to where the meat comes from. I didn’t like the idea at first but it DOES make sense. Furries and Ferals would live together well. I just find the idea of a furry owning a pet sort of…fucked-up? I don’t know. It’s like Goofy and Pluto. Goofy is a dog…I think. He can talk, speak, walk, etc. while Pluto can’t. It makes no fucking sense to me. Why does Mickey Mouse own a dog anyway?! How do pets work in a world populated by animals! I DON’T GET IT, MAN!” Dr. Catden sighed softly and slowly regained his composure. “Anyway, yeah. Feral Cows, Pigs, & Chickens would be the primary food source for us in this scenario. We would raise, fatten them up, and kill’em for meat or harvest their goods.” -[BOJACK HORSEMAN THEORY] “If you haven’t seen the show, don’t worry, I won’t spoil much. There is a restaurant called “Chicken 4 Dayz” in it.” He holds up a bucket of the fried chicken and grabs a drumstick. “The answer to “how meat exists in a world of humans AND anthros” is basically…there are dumbed-down, non-sentient, animal people that only exist to be raised and slaughtered for their meat. Bred to be food.” He took a meaty bite. “Wow, this chicken tastes like gristle. Yuck.” He dumped it into the trash can. “They are NOT like the anthros in the show like Princess Caroline, Bojack, Hollyhock, etc. so they still eat’em.” -[SYNTHETIC MEAT/ZOOTOPIA THEORY] “Okay, this one is quite interesting. Let’s discuss it. You know those “Plant Burgers” that taste like ass? Yup. It would basically be that for furries to consume. It would probably be WAY better in terms of flavor. You would basically be eating plant-based meat and not just…Tofu Dogs. Hey, I don’t hate ALL veggies. I just don’t trust shit that grows from the ground. You know what kinda filth is in the dirt?!” He groaned in disgust and held his stomach. “Zootopia’s theory is similar…but different. They use “grubs and bugs” for the meat source. Yup. Hakuna Matata.” He quickly went to the trashcan and dry-heaved over it. “I would NOT enjoy that. AT ALL. The meat is made and created using crushed up insects, bugs, and other stuff an animal would eat. No animals would die…but you would still get a “meaty” flavoring. Yuck. What do I look like, a frog? I can’t even speak French!” -[THE FARM] “Title is a bit cryptic but it still works. The farm is basically located somewhere in the country FAR away from the hustle and bustle of “New Yak City” or “Chicatgo” or other animal-punned name furry cities.” He holds up a Fisher Price Peg-People Farm house and sets it down on a table. “Now, we would harvest milk from them, get eggs, and fatten these animals up. They would live long, happy, fulfilling lives and enjoy their time on said farm. Animals would get old, and when that time comes, they would be furmanely euthanized.” He held up a moo-cow peg person. “That is where we would get our meat from. Old animals who lived a great life and provided a good service for furs everywhere. They would NOT be prisoners…unless of course we’re talking about a more “dystopian” version of the farm. They would be free to leave, live, play, marry, love, eat food, etc. They would be fully aware of what is going on and would only be “taken behind the barn” when they were becoming old gray mares.” -[LOGAN’S RUN THEORY] “Not REALLY Logan’s run.” He held up his paw with a glowing gem on it. “The idea is similar to the Farm but different enough that it warrants a separate entry for reading. This universe, dystopian or not, would have cows, pigs, chickens, etc. Everyone dies. Sorry to break it to you. I know, you may wanna sit down. I’m going to drop another bomb on you. Santa Claus IS real, Elvis is Alive, and the CIA killed J.F.K.” He chuckled and darted his eyes like he was expecting a sniper’s laser dot to appear on his forehead. “They grow old, or maybe they get sick, but they are on their deathbed. We would NOT bury them in this scenario. We would eat them. They would get a gravestone and funeral…but we would be eating their meat. We would probably also be eating horses, too. Dying furs would be our bread and butter.” He gently buttered a bread roll. “Logan’s Run could come into this by maybe giving livestock furs a certain period of time to live. They wouldn’t grow old and would have to contribute to society and the youth by giving up their bodies for the machine. Literally. This isn’t my favorite theory but it is one nevertheless. Let’s hope you weren’t born as a pig, aye?” -[CANNIBALISM THEORY] “OH BOY! MY FAVORITE!” Dr. Catden purrs and licks his lips. “I’ll try to hold down my boner while I talk about this! Okay, okay…so? The basic idea would be that livestock furs, or anthro animals we could get meat from, would NOT be willing or very happy about this. We would slaughter them by the hundreds of thousands, grind them into greasy patties, and sell’em to hungry furs all across the world.” He chuckled and pointed to a morbidly obese, freshly cooked, golden brown turkey woman with her fleshy breasts and “drumsticks” on display. “Avians, Cows, Pigs, Anthro Fish, Etc. They would all be cattle to the slaughter. Not ALL would be killed, of course, but MANY would. Aquatic anthros would be fished out of the water, cows would be shoved in the grinder, and pigs would be sliced up in Deli Shops for furs with their bellies sagging out of their waistbands. This is the darkest theory so it’s obviously my favorite. Boner Appletit-...I mean, Bon Appetit!” -[VEGETARIAN/VEGANISM THEORY] “Lame.” Dr. Catden folds his arms. “This is the most unrealistic theory of them all. You can see the “synthetic meat” theory and see how that would be possible. This isn’t. Let me explain.” He pushed his glasses up and walked over to the chalkboard. “Okay, Bunnies. Herbivores, right? They wouldn’t MIND eating nothing but carrots, cabbage, and cauliflower all day!” Melissa waddles in with a loud ~THUD~ that shakes the room as she ~HUFFS~ and ~WHEEZES~.. “Speak for yourself, Sweetiepie! If I don’t have at least three servings of chocolate-covered bacon a day? I’d kill someone.” Dr. Catden nods softly. “Understandable BUT follow my train of thought.” He tapped the chalkboard. “Herbivores AND Omnivores..” He pointed to a picture of a cat on the chalkboard. “-..Could live in a society that ONLY has veggies on the dinner table. Me purr-sonally? I would hate that. If I didn’t have my daily breakfast of waffles, fishsticks, and a glass of bourbon? I’d kill myself.” He quickly drew a boney wolf using chalk with the ribs showing. “BUT! What about Carnivores? I’m afraid they would not be able to adapt to such a lifestyle unless evolution kicked in heavily. They would most likely whither away and starve to death.” He drew the wolf as a skeleton with a bunny pointing at his grave and laughing as she munched on a carrot stick. “That’s right. It would be a utopia for vegetarians…but meat eaters would go the way of the dinosaurs. I will have to talk about Dinosaurs and mythical creatures living in furry society one day…not today though.” -[LAB GROWN MEAT] “This one is a relatively new invention so it may not kick in until one of the previous, or future, theories has already happened. Lab-Grown Meat is a marvel OF SCIENCE!” He drew a chalk drawing of Einstein, a corgi, sticking his tongue out. “Okay, I’ll keep it very simple. This meat is grown by taking cells from existing meat, like a piece of steak, and growing it into ANOTHER steak without having to kill any animals! You could basically make as much as you want. It would taste no different than if you slaughtered it yourself. It’s basically cloned food products. Why kill billions of pigs when you can simply grow your own sausages, sell it in a market for half the price, and make delicious cuisine that EVERYONE can enjoy without the taste of blood on your lips.” He chuckled softly and pointed to a throbbing, growing, mound of hamburger meat he was injecting with growth hormones. “This is more of a “Happy Future” scenario in my eyes…but it’s fun to think about. You know, we may not have flying cars, but the future has things that nobody in the 50s ever thought possible. If you showed someone in the past what the INTERNET is-...Wait, You can’t. You would need the internet to show someone the internet. Huh. Dammit. Why the hell aren’t we building time machines to put 5G Towers in the past?! Imagine giving a Caveman technology. I wanna see what fucked up shit that breeds. …Actually I think that’s the plot of the failed [FOX] show Terra Nova. You wanna know how that show avoided the butterfly effect? A MAGICAL TOWER IN THE CENTER OF THEIR CAMP THAT MADE IT SO THEY COULDN’T CHANGE THE FUTURE. I’M NOT SHITTING YOU.” -[FOOD TREES] “This one is fucking stupid but let’s discuss it anyway because I love wasting people’s time.” He pointed to a tree. “Tree. What do you think when you see a tree? I see future toothpicks and paper for self-help books. Some people look at trees and see FRUIT. Delicious and nutritious! Nature’s candy, so they say.” He drew the tree on a chalkboard and instead of fruit? He drew bacon, hamburgers, and sausage links. “That’s right. You would have seeds that grew MEAT from trees instead of shit like coconuts, bananas, apples, etc. You know how they say “Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees”, which is a lie, since the logging industry is worth more than any outdated phrase…IMAGINE PLANTING BACON IN YOUR FRONT YARD! I would totally do that. I hate gardening but if I could grow cheeseburgers from a bush? You bet your ass I’m taking a stop to the Home Depot and picking up a few hoes…and some gardening tools as well! How do these seeds get created? It’s either a pre-established type of plant evolution, the biproduct of animals having sex with plants, or when an anthro dies? He’s full of seeds you can plant in your garden that produce food based on said animal. The Circle of Life~!” -[PREY/PREDATOR WORLD] “This will be separate from the next idea. I would have called it the “Zootopia” Theory but I already said it earlier.” He drew a fox and a squirrel on the board using chalk. “Okay, this one is in-depth. Imagine that animals evolved and turned from vicious, dumb, instinct-prone animals into clothes-wearing, intelligent, anthropomorphic creatures that behave like everyday folks!” He drew a feral fox slowly changing into an anthro fox with his dick sticking out like it was one of those Scholastic “Animorphs” Books. “You have heard of the fight or flight response, correct? A holdover from our days of hunting, gathering, and fighting for survival. WELL! Maybe some other things were “held over” from that era too.” He winked at you. “Imagine that some carnivores still treat herbivores and other “prey” animals like pieces of meat. Being a prey would make you a lower-class citizen due to the fact big, scary, alpha predators would be constantly eyeing you like a meal. This could either be in the “literal” sense with carnivores needing to take special medication to keep their “urges” in check OR it could be in a more sexual sense with dominative predators eyeing prey for sexual mates. It could even cause some prey species to become “tougher” to survive in this harsh carnivore-centric world. Some predators may even HATE these animalistic urges and wish to stop them. They may even act submissive to prey species.” He drew a picture of a squirrel chick with a meaty gut, dorky glasses, and plump breasts being worshipped by lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my! “There would obviously be HUGE amounts of crime in this world of the “murdering for food” and even the sexual kind. Anthros would be more inclined to act on basic urges and instincts in this kind of universe.” He tapped his cheek. “Herbivores I guess will go both ways, eh? I’m bi so that’s already the plan, Stan.” -[VORE SOCIETY] “Don’t worry, Vore Fetishists, I didn’t forget you! I saved it for last!” He drew a shark woman with a swollen gut with faces and hands pushed against it while she loudly belched. “VORE SOCIETY! What is it? Simple. Furs eat eachother. Vore would be a common fetish and everyday occurrence. You would go to work and be like “Where’s Ellen?” and your friend would be like “Oh, a tiger she was dating ate her yesterday. We’re looking to get a new receptionist. Poor girl got digested. Such a shame.” He chuckled softly and flicked his tail. “It would be such a normal thing that nobody would even question it or be freaked out. It’s just how society would work. Meat-eating animals wouldn’t be the only ones to do it either. Plant-eating herbivores would adapt to vore other animals, too. The Food Chain would be in chaos as bunnies would eat dragons, killer whales would eat foxes, and every other vore combination you can think of. Prey and Predator would mean nothing as they would ONLY get food sources from devouring their neighbor, friend, family, or stranger. Vore would not only be encouraged…but it would be the status quo. NOW! Let’s talk about HOW eating would work in a vore society.” He quickly drew two different furs. “Fur #1 is a lesbian who ate her girlfriend.” It showed a possum chalk drawing with a swollen gut she was rubbing. “She loves her girlfriend but is REALLY hungry. She devours her girlfriend, a porcupine, and leaves her sitting in her gut for about 6 hours or so. The possum is full and DOES NOT want to kill her girlfriend. She simply coughs her out OR squirts her out of her pussy or anus. No harm, no foul. The possum tells her girlfriend she can eat her next time and they share a kiss. The porcupine DOES take a shower though since she is covered in her girlfriend’s stomach acid and saliva.” He quickly erased the drawing and began to draw a female tiger and a male deer. “Fur #2 is dating some dweeb deer. She’s really hungry and the date isn’t going so well. He’s talking about Battlestar Galactica. She’s dryer downstairs than the desert. She decides to have “dessert” and end the date early.” He erases the deer and draws the Tiger’s swollen belly, chubbier ass, and the deer’s hooves wiggling out of his mouth. “She devours him like unlimited Olive Garden breadsticks. She has NO intention of coughing him out or letting him live. What happens? He will digest, most likely in 8 hours or so, give or take the species and weight of the predator that is the VORER and not the VOREE. He will slowly be broken down by the predator’s stomach acid, his flesh melting off, until he is nothing but bones. She will finish digesting him…and happily “do her business” so she can make room for another bad date tomorrow.” He quickly drew her on the toilet, messily crapping turds and deer bones into it, as she read the newspaper. “That is how it would work. You would either have furs who get some nutrition from the vored species and “let them go”...or ones that digest the prey and make room for seconds.” He drew a stomach with a horse woman sitting inside of it. “Stomachs would be VERY different in this society. They would be MUCH larger and able to carry a larger capacity for predators that enjoy multiple furs in a sitting. The more you eat? The more you’re able to fit into your stomach.” Dr. Catden purred and erased the chalkboard. “Wowzers! That sure was a lot of pointless information for something that most people don’t think about! You’re welcome!” He purred and flicked his tail. “Now, before we end this educational video, I’d like to talk to YOU about a very important part of eating that isn’t just meat! Where does the produce come from? Milk, Cheese, Butter, Eggs? It has to come from somewhere!” Little Billy, a tiny fox kit with a beanie propeller hat and overalls, walks up. “Mr. Catden? Where DOES milk come from?” Dr. Catden snarls at him. “IT’S DOCTOR CATDEN, YOU LITTLE SHIT. I’LL BEAT YOU TO DEA-..” The video quickly cut. “What a smart question, Little Timmy!” Billy scowls. “My name is Billy, Mister.” Dr. Catden rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m glad you’re asking these questions on your own and not just reading a script we gave you! I think it’s time I took you, and the good folks watching at home, to a dairy farm! You’ll get to see how YOUR food is made!” [WHERE DOES YOUR PRODUCE COME FROM?] “Meat is very complicated and it doesn’t have a “straight” answer…but you can come and see where the REST of your food is made! We’re here at Old MacDonald’s Dairy Farm to show YOU the animals that make your breakfast, lunch, and dinner!” He walked inside of the barn and showcased a massively wide brown-spotted dairy cow. “Howdy, Ya’ll! My name is Bessie! Good to meetcha’!” She ~MOOOOO’d~ loudly and moaned with pleasure. She had a tag on her ear with “69” on it, large pink udders, and massive breasts that hung forward on the cow’s belly apron. She had horns growing from her head, seemed to be chewing on some sort of cud, and was sitting on a wooden bench with her cellulite-dimpled ass cheeks. She had a pair of daisy duke jean shorts and a plaid croptop for “modesty” as well as a brown cowboy hat. “Welcome to mah’ farm! Ya’ll say ya’ wanted to know bout’ where milk comes from?” She grins and points down to the suction cups that were draining milk from her swollen breast nipples, her udders, and even her belly button. “Ya’ll can see ah’m always hard at work with the other heifers tah’ make you the most DE-LISH-OUS milk in the country~!” There was an entire line of massive, morbidly obese, cattle women and a few bulls lined up. The bulls were being milked too…only from their massive, pink, swollen erections. They were getting their cum drained from their yoga ball sized testicles for furs who enjoy a “special” kind of milk. “...Zzzzz…” Catden fell asleep standing up…and Bessie had to snap her hooves a few times. “HUH!? Oh, I mean! Wow! That is SO fascinating!” Bessie grinned softly. “Sum’ of my fellow cows ain’t just makin’ regular ol’ milk! Dependin’ on what we eat? It changes the flavor! A few of us gals are chocolate milk cows, vanilla, and even strawberry!” Dr. Catden licked his lips and looked at her swollen tits. “Can I have a taste?” Bessie blushed softly. “Ah’ don’t think that’s very appropriate, Doc.” Catden hissed. “C’MON! It’s a feline thing! We love milk! Lemme have a taste from the tap! I didn’t drive all this way for nothing!” Bessie sighed and…undid the suction cup as she nodded a few times. “Help yerself’, Sug. No bitin’, Please.” Dr. Catden began to suck on her swollen nipple as he ~GLUGGED~ down a few gallons of milk. “Heh, Got milk?” He wiped his mouth except for a milk mustache. Bessie chuckled. “Nawt’ bad. Maybe later ah’ll let you suck from mah’ udders…Ya’ll know us cows have tah’ eat a LOT of grub tah’ make yer milk! These four stomachs ain’t for show!” She sloshed her belly back and forth for the camera and patted it softly with her hooves. “A full cow is a happy cow!” Dr. Catden smiled. “Cows here deliver their milk so it’s churned into butter, cheese, yogurt, and of course…Milk! No shit, right? It’s not like they’re going to squirt soda-pop from their udders. We also can make Whipped Cream!” A fur in a black outfit, red cake hat, and protective glasses held up a whip. “WHIP IT! WHIP IT GOOD! GO FORWARD! MOVE AHEAD! TRY TO DETECT IT!” Dr. Catden chuckled. “Oh, That Alan~!” Catden went to the next part of the farm. The chicken coop! There was a bunch of massive white and brown anthro chicken women, sitting on hay, while knitting or reading the paper. A few of the younger hens were even on their cellphones. “Hello, Ladies!” The hens all giggled and waved their wings. “Heya, Doc!” Dr. Catden fixed his labcoat and walked forward into the coop. A few plump hens ruffled their feathers and kept their eggs warm. “There are two types of eggs! Fertilized and unfertilized! They lay eggs regardless…but some eggs are ONLY there to make little chickens and young avians. Not all anthros are born from a womb!” He groped a random chicken’s sizable ass and showed off a small collection of ten eggs. “She’s a birthing hen so she’s busy having chicks!” He walked over to a…Goth Chicken. She had a black streak in her hair, dark feathers, and light black lipstick on her beak. She was wearing a “Nugget Death” metal band T-shirt. “Oh, Joy. ..What do you want?” Dr. Catden grinned. “I wanna see you lay an egg! That’s all!” She sighed softly. “I bet you do, Pervert.” She texted on her cellphone and ~SQUIRTED~ a thick, oval, brown egg from her anus tailhole into the hay. “Got a good show, Freak?” Autumn, the goth chicken, scowled at him. “Yes, Thanks.” He purred and took the egg from the basket. “Man, nothing says “good breakfast” like eating something straight from a girl’s ass.” Autumn raised a brow at him. “Gross. You’re Gross, Cat. You’re no better than that Fox that keeps harassing me for pics of my thighs. Why are predators SO obsessed with meaty thighs?” Catden stared down at her rotund, swollen, thighs that squished against one another as well as her talons. “No clue…Can I lick them?” Autumn smacked him on the cheek and folded her arms. “It’s bad enough my mom is MAKING me become an “egg layer” like she is. I don’t need your sleazy comments.” Finally, Dr. Catden showed off one last part of the farm. He walked by a bunch of nearly-immobile and morbidly obese pigs shoveling their face in the trough. “We’ve seen cows and chickens…but what about OTHER types of produce? Did you know that LOTS of other animals have milk, too? That includes rats!” He walked toward a Billy Goat who was chewing on a can. “Oh, Hey!” The goat girl smiled warmly. “My name is Gina! I work here at the farm and produce some milk, too. Not as much as a cow does.” She has suction cups on her swollen, large, fuzzy breasts. “It makes the BEST kind of milk of all. Goat’s milk is to die for! Need I say more about goat cheese?! Goat Yogurt! The possibilities are limitless!” She was a very tall girl with wide hips and messy tomboy hair. She was wearing nothing but a pair of overalls and had a piece of hay in her mouth. “You seem to really enjoy your job!” Dr. Catden purred while he watched Gina dig into an old rubber tire like it was a donut. “Mmph! Of course! All the junk I can eat! We goats can eat ANYTHING dontchaknow? ~BWURRRRP~..” Gina patted her soft, bloated, midsection while her belly button could be seen in her denim overalls. “It takes a LOT of junk to produce the amount of milk you need to make even ONE wheel of cheese. I’m a very hungry gal!” She laid back in a rocking chair with her belly sagging forward as she continued to pump her own milk into a large jug. “It’s a hell of a lot tastier than ALMOND milk. Yuck. Soy is disgustin’...who the hell wants to drink crushed up nuts anyhow?” Gina stuck her tongue out while she devoured a hubcap like it was a pizza. “You are an unsung hero. Just like Jon Bon Jovi. I don’t think many people would eat “goat meat” though.” Gina rolled her eyes. “Why not?! Goat meat could be tasty! You never know until you try it! Yak’s milk, too. We don’t have a Yak on the farm sadly. It would be SO amazing to meet one…and go on a date with him.” Dr. Catden left the farm and chuckled. “Of course, I cannot end this PSA without telling you a bit more about the meat.” He pointed to a large building with “SLAUGHTERHOUSE” written on it. It was a gigantic smoke-polluting factory. There was countless morbidly obese cows and pigs, gigantic slabs of unmoving meat with flabby arms and legs swollen into their blubbery guts, as they devoured growth-hormone laced slop from troughs while messily ~URRRRPING~ and ~FRRRTHBBBLPRTING~ noxious gas into the air and rolling around in the mud. “No, that building isn’t the “Laughterhouse”...I came here last week thinking it was a comedy club. I was mistaken.” Dr. Catden chuckled. “These anthros are being fattened up with growth hormones, chemicals, and additives in order to make the JUICIEST and most tender cuts of pork, chicken, and beef possible! They will be fed until they are whale-sized and dripping with grease. Meat needs PLENTY of fat on it.” He walked forward and put on a protective smock to prevent his clothes from being stained. “They will be led into the slaughterhouse by a conveyor belt. Some of the cattle need cranes to lift their immobilized blubber from the farming area. They will be led down into the factory…where they will either be shoved into a giant meat grinder, gutted by butchers, sliced into countless piles of deli meat. The Slaughterhouse is where the meat from Fast Food Restaurants comes from…unless you count that “Pink Slime” stuff that McDoenald’s uses for the nuggets. A lot of Deli owners make their own sausages with what meat is given to them. Isn’t that fascinating?” Dr. Catden walked down the production line as blood ~SPLATTERED~ all over his protective clothes. “...Ew, Gross.” He licked the blood and smiled. “Not bad! Tastes like meatballs. Moving on!” He walked down the assembly line where thick cuts of steak, ham, bacon, and various cuts of meat were being delivered to different packaging areas. “They’re packaged up, wrapped, and shipped off to storefronts nationwide! Fresh as the day it was slaughtered!” A jump cut was shown as they were now inside WALRUS*MART SUPERCENTER with a morbidly obese bear woman rolling her snack-filled cart toward the “DELI” section of the huge supermarket. “Hmm…Bacon or beef tonight? Why not both!” She grinned with her flabby jowls jiggling as she placed sausages, steaks, bacon, chicken patties, chicken nuggets, salmon, and a box of fish sticks into her cart as her belly wobbled and jiggled. She was over 600 pounds and had a gigantic “mom bod” going on with blonde hair and glasses. “...AND THAT IS WHERE MEAT COMES FROM!” Dr. Catden pops out of the [MILK] section next to the shelf full of meat, knocking cartons and jugs of milk onto the floor, as the bear woman screams. “AHHH! WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THE MILK?! STAY AWAY FROM ME, CREEP!” She takes a bottle of pepper spray from her purse and squeezes it with her sausage fingers into the feline’s eyes. “OHHH GOD MY EYES!” Dr. Catden rolled around the floor in pain as he spasmed out and cried heavily down his face. “THE TEARS MAKE IT WORSE!” … The Bear Woman began to squint. “Dr. Catden!? Is that you! Oh my god, Sweetie! I’m so sorry! It’s been so long! Remember when we dated in High School~? Wanna come over for dinner?” Dr. Catden was literally clawing his eyes out in pain. “MY EYES ARE BLEEDING! IT HURTS TO BLINK! THE PAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNN! CALL AN AMBULANCE!” The Bear-Mom chuckled softly. “Oh C’mon, it’s not THAT bad! We’re having cheesecake for dessert tonight~!” [LET’S RECAP!] Dr. Catden purred softly as he was sitting in front of a table full of various types of meat. “Well, we learned a lot, didn’t we? We learned about types of meat and produce! We also talked about the various ways that a society full of anthros receives their meat! Finally, we went to a farm and slaughterhouse and saw livestock production in action! You might be asking yourself “But, You Sexy Feline, HOW DO FURRIES GET THEIR MEAT? Which theory is the correct one?” I can answer that simply! They’re ALL correct! I personally prefer the “Cannibalism” or the “Feral” theory myself but that shouldn’t stop YOU from coming up with your own ideas and theories on where meat comes from! It’s all correct based on YOUR reality and what you would purr-fer to happen!” Dr. Catden grinned softly. “Thanks for watching this Edutainment video. I hope it was fun-ucational!” He waved at the screen. “Goodbye, Folks! I’ll cya next time for another PSA about anthro society and YOU. Say goodnight, Brie.” Brie waves at the camera and grins. “Squeak Squeak, Squeak~!” Dr. Catden chuckled. “You crack me up, Brie-Cakes.” FIN! [Copyright 1999-2010 Cowpoke Corral Burger © Do not replicate, steal, or reproduce under F.B.I Law. Doing so may result in five years imprisonment, a $69,000 dollar fine, and/or death.]