I found it! I knew I wasn't making it up.
This is GGG answering someone that asked her how she knew she was a feedee (I all capsed the part I was talking about before):
There are numerous long, considered versions of this story on this thread and on other sites but...
I have memories going back to being like 5. I would play with dolls and act out things where the doll became undesirable, “pooey.” She would become bad, right? A lot of the time I was that doll. As I grew older, I learned pooey was definitely being fat as far as society and media was concerned. By 8 I was bloating with water, and would act out things in front of the mirror where I got fat. Sometimes pregnant. I would push out my stomach and pull up my shirt to see if my mom or brother would notice. Sometimes I’d go make my mom cuddle me and pick up her hand and place it on my belly.
I went through puberty very early and had big tits and was chubby by the time I was 10. When I was 11, I went to a doctor, and she told me I was overweight at 5’4” and 145lbs. She told me not to drink orange juice. A couple months later I’m still chubby, sweating on the bleachers during gym class, and a friend who was a boy was explaining why girls were hot to another boy. He pointed at me and said, “Alex is hot because she has the 3 B’s: boobs, belly, and butt.”
In about a year, I had a full-blown eating disorder. I’d grown to 5’6” and was about 120lbs. It was around that time I finally wanted to looked up what my friend was talking about... so I started plugging in “belly” and various other keywords. That’s when I found FF and Dims, and of course YouTube. As the years passed, I could only masturbate while touching my belly. Meanwhile I’d moved into not only purging, but restricting and purging everything I ate. My weight dropped to double digits and all I saw on TV was fat shaming and Paris Hilton. Fucking 2000’s. I would post thinspo and my hours fasted to my Xanga, and then click over to FF and read some wg fiction or watch a belly vid on YT and jack off. Just a time of deep deep conflict.
Id recovered somewhat by 16 (to 105-110lbs) and had my first real bf. He was a bigger guy that had his own problems with weight. I loved watching his fat jiggle and bounce while he fucked me. But I wanted it to be my fat. We fooled around until I moved away at 17, and depending on how high or buzzed I was, I’d get him to rub my belly while he fucked me. One time he tried to gently confront me about it, “what’s this about?” putting his hand into my stomach. “I don’t know, I said.”
I posted some sad skinny girl belly pics when I was 18 to FF. I was faceless. I messaged a few people, but I liked how people stared at my 112-115lbs body. For the next 3 years, anytime I’d fuck someone or get eaten out, I’d close my eyes and run the fantasy of me getting fat. That’s all it took back then. Just thinking about the numbers.
At 22 I had a lot of shit going on. Very fuckless, suicidal time. I’d graduated and just hated everything, and got deeply involved in cannabusiness. Just shit awful. So I thought, “fuck it, I’ll get fat.” I posted to FF. Apparently I messaged the guys who’s now my feeder bf 😂 Barely remember that. Got scared. Lost the weight. Back to 115lbs.
then a year later I’m in FL again and my life is absolute garbage. I get fat as fuck without trying. Just pure depression weight gain coupled with moving somewhere that didn’t even had god damn sidewalks. I was 155lbs. I had a few people I’d still hit up on Kik from my FF days. One told me to try Curvage. So I did. That’s the whole beginning of this thread.
I lost the weight because I wanted to be in a sub/dom relationship outside of feedism. And I wanted getting fat to be my choice. Back to 125lbs.
I have an amazing D/s relationship with a 6’6” 230lb sadist fucking firefighter body builder. My absolute dream. We played our fantasies together and that was that. Ended up in a shitty abusive relationship with another guy. Our relationship had nothing to do with D/s. Because he was abusive, I gained like 10-15lbs. That’s the 2018 curvage GGG... me getting out of that relationship and being on my own.
I left Curvage to fuck my Dom again—kinda compartmentalization. We were both just in a different place. All that was left for us to try was 24/7, and we mutually couldn’t do it.
The next year is a blur of gyms and bars. Nothing meaningful. --->THERE WAS A PERIOD I CONSIDERED JUST GOING FULL BUTCH AND BECOMING A FFA FEEDER. JUST BE THIS STRONG, HOT GYM BITCH AND FATTEN UP MY OWN LITTLE GIRL INTO MY SWEET SOFT SUBMISSIVE QUEEN.<---
but... I wanted to be fat. I wanted to be GGG. I wanted to see who she/we/I could be.
so I finally just gave the fuck in. I decided to get myself a feeder and just go allllll in.