i can only speak for myself, but it’s more or less a requirement for me that my partner have a fat preference or fetish. i’m uninterested in guys who “don’t mind” or “love me anyway” and guys who “love all women” are suspect. i don’t want to feel like i’m being settled for, even by someone who loves me on the inside. much of our lives and capacity to connect with others are external. when i look at my body i feel undeniably sexy. i think my curves and softness make me sexy. i want a partner who feels the same, ideally even more than me. i want my partner to be ravenous about my body. because i’m fat, that more or less requires a fat fetish.
that said, i’m also not interested in a guy who ONLY likes my fat, and puts up with my personality/interests/etc to gain access to it. it’s gotta be both. maybe that’s a high bar, but i’m fine being single, i like myself. besides, i’m ideally just looking for one man to devote myself to. he’s out there. and if he loves me and also gets off on my size or feeding me or whatever, then… whatever. it’s not my fetish, but it’s definitely not an ick. i can get into it. it’s better than the alternative of someone who either resents my size or feels like a saint for dating me. way better. lovely, even.
as for the existence of fat fetishists i’m not personally involved with? as a whole i find knowledge of their existence interesting and comforting, but some of them are creepy or gross or assholes or terminally socially inept autists/schizos. same as any fetish population.